it pops, it slopes.

this week, i find myself unconsciously reshuffling 'pieces dont fit anymore'. should i insert a smile?
really, i am not a confused child. but err, why am i having a one of an unexplainable kind of feeling right now? somehow, everything is like drifting away. way way away beyond god knows what and god knows where. and somehow, everything that used to seems right somehow seems not right at the moment. is it? or is it just my side feelings?
maybe i should go for consultation or have a brain autopsy perhaps? classy. after all, i guess im not as not confused as i assumed i was. craps. okayh, id better stop this. add, pull yourself together and get your head back where it should be.
*inhale, exhale*
will be going back to malacca again in few more hours.
you, i miss you and i love you bloody hella lot.

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the L word.

they rock asses, oke?

blurbs.

its 3 am and am currently listening to james morrison's pieces dont fit anymore over and over again. blimey.

twisted sprained tale.

darn you twisted sprained cow ankle! yikesssss. the swollen has somehow worsen! saaaaakittttttt. shudnt have walk around too much. and stand too long. bloody KTM. aah well. damage's done. end.

p/s: 'i die. you die. we die. bye bye.'
haha. spiderwick is good.

al-fatihah.

dear gurl friend,
i was shocked and puzzled when i received your text the other night. i even thought my heart stopped beating for awhile. i couldnt believe what you said at first. and i have no absolute idea what i should reply to you.
i wont say i know how it feels like to lose someone you love. cause i dont. ( technically i mean) especially its not the normal type of 'losing'. all these while and all these years ive known you , you has always been the toughest, strongest one among us. yes, its hard to deal with losing your loved one. yes, its hard to find yourself moaning over the loss in the morning every time u open your eyes wishing he'd be there. yes, its hard to only be able to look at his pictures and making you remembering all the memories thats left. yes, its hard to cope up and move on like what every other human in your room advised you to. yes, its hard when your eyes leaks every night before you sleep not having the strength to swallow the truth. yes, its hard losing that someone when you finally found someone who really understands you and really loves your every flaws.
but no matter how many hards and pains you need to deal with, you still have other people who care and love you. always and forever. and i am one of them. and like you said, know that when you wake up every morning, he'll be watching you from above, away from your eyes, but close to your heart. take care sue. may he be blessed by god. amin.

what do you think?

You know how you go through a hard time, and you give your absolute all just to make sure you get out alive?
You try your hardest to get through shit and you put your heart and soul into becoming stronger.
After what it seems like ages, you finally recover and you think you're happy.
But just when you thought nothing could take that away from you, a little piece of the past appears out of nowhere, forcing you to start all over again.
By that time I fully sort things out, I think I'd be 70 with 5 children and 12 grandchildren. heh. ann, ili, what do you think?

Boy, i hate this feeling.

cliche.

Okay people. Here's a lesson. Cause this is the most influential, idiotic things happening to me as of this moment. i'd like to think that everyone is on relatively the same page as me.

STOP INSISTING YOU HAVE THE WORST LIFE EVER.
Shit happens. yes, it's a very cliche, over-used saying, but what the hell? It's over-used for a REASON. Shit DOES happen. get over it. blow it off, even. it works for me. i'm finally as happy as I can be (am i?), and it's not because i continue to dwell over crap that DOES NOT MATTER. stop whining. your life is NOT the worst thing in the world, you are NOT the one with the most problems, and YOU ARE NOT UGLY, FAT, DISGUSTING, ANNOYING unless you MAKE YOURSELVES THAT WAY. I have seen plenty overweight, beautiful people because they choose to be. and there's beauty in everyone. just show that instead of your ugly side. if you take the time to stop whining about one thing and consider a good aspect about yourself, you'll FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF. low self-confidence can be helped, you know. but if you continue to insist that you are shit, you are going to STAY shit. period. and as much as everyone loves you, no one wants to hear your shit. unless it's funny. if it is, shit away. i am so tired of trying incredibly hard to stay in a good mood, and have people completely try and shoot me down because they're feeling like shit. I HAVE PROBLEMS TOO and I'M TRYING HARD TO KEEP THEM TO MYSELF AND NOT TAKE IT OUT ON ANYONE. yeah, okay, I comfort them for a while. but after several months of this shit, it's getting pretty annoying. WE ALL HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM, ESPECIALLY ME. even the cocky bastards that you just want to punch in the face are insecure about something. but you know what? considering the fact that we are all self-conscious, we should probably just say, "screw it," get on with our lives, and actually be HAPPY with our lives. then again, that could go the other way. if you're an arrogant bastard, shut up. no one likes you as much as you think they do. and if you're just being that way to cover up your insecurities, stop caring so much, and we won't care so much. no need to be a bitch to other people (hah, that's rich coming from me).

I AM NOT MAKING SENSE am i?

and if you think this is about you, it probably is. it's directed to pretty much everyone out there, including myself. If you think i hate you, I do not. i can honestly say I don't extremely dislike anyone. i might get pissed, (LIKE HOW I DID TODAY WHEN I FEEL LIKE BURNING THE STUPID COW SHIT SLOW DUMB KTM), but I get over it. and so should you. so if you're going to start shit when you read this, whatever. i don't care, i don't want to hear it. It's the truth, so deal with it. stop being so goddamned sensitive.

and no, i'm not one of those arrogant hypocritical lass who tells everyone else what's wrong with them and tell them what to do about it, because this goes for me too. if I do this, please, ili, ann, whoever, do me a favor, kick me, slap me, whatever. i'll stop. it might take some time, but trust me, I will.
Over these years, i have been able to get a huge hold on my temper. everyone who's seen me when I'm mad knows how i dont get pissed often, and the fact that I recently spent an entire day pissed but just sucked it up and got over it..... well, basically, if I can control my temper, you can control your bloody ego, whether you need to deflate it or inflate it.

Inhale, exhale.

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genetically jinxed.

'i cant help it.
it runs in the family.'

semi-delusional.

i still do get insecure by the little things that keeps going around.
words that are uttered from others.
rumours that gets to me.
the burning heart felt.
just for one second, it felt as if i needed you.
'i don't think that i knew the chaos i was getting in.'
infidelities.
intimidated by the old ones.
'distance isn't a matter'
maturity helps better.
jealousy takes over.
feelings go phantom.
confused? still am perhaps.
melodies brings back memories.


"I think it is a matter of love; the more you love a memory, the stronger and stranger it is" - Vladimir Nabokov

prickly disposition.

*my new current laptop's wallpaper. pfft.*

shit. im depressed.
awful awful start of the week. my heart has sank for far too deep for a many time. way to make a poignant point. yikes. what was i saying again? hah! finals are in less than a month time and im still fooling around. couldnt bring my lazy ass to concentrate and study. lately been spending hours in front of ze laptop either playing stupid nonsense games or 'doodling' with za paint, adobe and so on, or watching ze forever-never-finished cantonese series i got from ber yee. well, its not that it never finishes. just the lack of time to spend it on watching the series till it ends i guess?
lord, i couldnt bear the predictable look that will be plastered on ma's face IF i did not score my exam. goshh. scrap those darn thoughts! i should be more superior than this sick, sad being! my attempt on being a tragic person? worked. it ain't the kind of tragic i wanted, however, it took my wishful thinking far too literal. i'm tragic. i mean, tra-gic. ouhkayh, enough. a line further and i might be mistaken for a sad emo bimbo sack. pfft.
a couple of pre-april resolutions made. (a) spend the rest of my free time in the library. (yes, this will include my upcoming study leave that will be spent mostly at the lib. joy.) (b) stay away from ze bed during the day as much as i can. (its not that i sleep a lot to be precise, but you know, precautions they say?) (c) decrease the amount of unnecessary spending. (kate nak save up for shopping? haih.) (d) stop wishing and start kicking.
this was a rather menacing post isnt it? not to mention, encapsulated with nothingness. there i go again. anyways, it feels bloody good to be home. adlynn, meet home. home, meet adlynn.

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again.

mommyyyyyyyyy, im homeeeeeeeeee!
*toothy grins*

baby ili!

and btw, happy big one nine SITI ILI DIYANA BT ABDULLAH KHIR.
you know how much i love you aite. *hugs + smacks + kiss* :))

scrap and scream.

*silently screaming*
*made a straight face*
*taking a deep breath*
aaah. daiyumnnn. i miss blogging bloody hella lot!! pfft.
theres like so super duper many banyak things i would like to blog about. but, but, taaahaaaannn adlynn tahan, balik baru blog. pfft. (anbreen, i envy oke!) :p
mind you, but i dont blog to brat bout what i do or who i go out with or what events i go to or to 'market' myself or what so ever you people call it nowadays. having the lust to post pictures on blog doesnt mean its for 'marketing' purpose. i blog for pleasure. the pleasure of having to write or tell ot spit whatever i want to without people telling me what i can or can not do.
oh well, im currently sitting in the library, again, scrolling through the mouse having a peek at me peeps' blogs, keeping me self update a lil. well, since i havent got the chance to go online at home. to be precise, havent got the chance to go home, yet! yikes. miss home. miss mama. miss miya. miss bibik. err..miss dinie? oke oke, miss dinie. and and miss papa. *sigh* scrap all that thoughts, im going back home this weekend and theres only 3weeks left till study leave comes! oh yeay! :D
dah nak cuti! tapi dah nak final la pulak. alamak. adoi. *tepuk dahi*
my lord, life is so full with ups and downs dont you think?
and btw, welcome to ze blogging world amar. ;p

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cicakman?

and btw, day out with cicakman last weekend wasnt that bad after all. :)
pa, you still owe me my sneakers! ouh yeay!

shizzle ma nizzle.

hello peeps! aaah. what a joy to be able to write and blab again at this beloved blog of mine. cehwah. ;p
its almost 10 am now. and im currently sitting at my u's library, typing out all the thoughts that i currently have in mind. was supposed to do my statistics assignment here with me so-called-partner. but we end up doing it 'together' in our own room. sheesh. and i end up accompany-ing wanie and her partner. pfft. since ive fin mine, ive decided to blog a lil. :)
anywhoos, will be having managemant quiz in say like, 30 more mins? product life cycle, introduction stage, growth stage, maturity stage and the bores goes on. pfft.
well, it was a normal week. a week full of assignments, datelines, quizzes and tests. wont be going back home this weekend as i'll be having a friendly match in perak this sat. (will be off to perak at 3 today! whee. roadtrip baybeh!) next week too wont be able to go home, having inter faculty match pulak. haih. still cant figure out why am i missing home so much this sem though.
ouh, and btw, colbie caillat is performing tonight at laundry! and and sunburst is tomorrow! *pulls hair and screams* daiyumn! i so want to go weyhhh. ma, when will i be able to go to these events? when im 21 maybe? *sigh* azwan dear, have fun at sunburst. send my rgards to john legend will you please?
guess thats all. need to get back to my product life cycle. hell. but dear bloggie, i'll be back though. promise! (as now ive decided that lib's internet wasnt that bad after all putting aside the so-called-comp lib 'sarang virus') *toothy grins* toodles!

ceiling + cicak?

Nak post the comments of your blog tapi tak dapat and dah lupa password and user name……

Darling, you can't blame the cicak man. You too gotta create the atmosphere to make it work between the "ceiling" and the "cicak man" to stick on. Whatever, he is still your macho papa and you gotta respect him. At least he tried. Taking you shopping is like dropping and putting his ego aside…..no joke man….i would certainly love to see that you get better acquainted to him!

mum typed this at microsoft word instead and left it at my laptop. lols. mama, mama. :p yes ma. will do. dah dah. ive gotta go pack my things. toodles.

straight faced poker.

mum has a talk on her qigong research today at noon and in a few hours id be going for a shopping trip with me dad (since mum is unavailable and i must, need, have to purchase those things i wrote on the board before getting my arse back to malacca). yes. dad. D-A-D. pfft. unbelieveable. no offence, but, errr, i didnt know you knew how to spend time with your 18 years old rebel daughter?
dad and i are two diff, way bizarre-ly diff kind of person. i mean, literaly. we dont really get along or hang with each other. i mean, picture this, dad and i in a car on the way to any place far, and we can manage to keep quiet and not talking to each other! hah. incredible or what? i made it sound so bad isnt it? its just that, he doesnt really 'mix around' and 'blend in' with me. and vice versa i guess. he's too cool to do so. tipical macho cicak man. but deep down, i know you care. you just have no idea how to potray it.
as weird as it sounds and as awkward i imagined the day's gonna be, im not gonna let it get in me. perhaps i should try bonding. perhaps. try.

*the macho cool cicak man (candid shot taken in year 2007, mind you).

proxy.

love, i miss you terribly.
like, totally.
end.

warcraft.

These past few days were hectic beyond reasons. And I am just hanging on to my patience (which is wearing thin by the time I'm typing this down) and keeping in mind that when this is all over, I'm about to get well-deserved cash for all my wants. Yes, positive thoughts ahead. Yes ma, Dean's Lists and scholars and overseas ma.

I've literally been a night owl for these past couple of weeks, or maybe months, on my own will, that is. Plus its not really a big deal as I bet most of them in U’s have it as a routine? Its already 3o mins past 3 now and I am still continuously clicking and scrolling ze mouse. Darn. Why is it so darn hard to find the darn info for the darn assignment on this darn google. Gosh. That doesn’t sound right. Apologies for the unmorality of me. Have been looking for this thingy on net since last two weeks I think. But still, failed to find anything good that I can stuff in my assignment. Maybe shouldn’t have chose to do on DELL eyh? Aah. Im talking about my management assignment btw. Oke, stop whining. Maybe I should get my so-called beauty sleep so as to refresh my almost-rusty-peanut-size-of-brain. Yikes. Good lord, got a spare anyone?

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reload and expload.

I am an optimist. an opportunist, a peace-loving hippie. a courageous creation of God who has strong opinions. a mistake, at times. a bad seed. a person who, will close her eyes in sight of dying puppies (yes. i prefer puppies instead of cats). i lie, at times. as an act of keeping the truth thats hurts. an average secret-keeper, as sometimes lies within, a doubt. i cannot resist the temptation of curiosity. i live by a simple motto. i have such respect to the ones who already know who they are and what their purpose in life is. i take rejection very, very well or quite well maybe? i think sometimes, i am a tad heartless. i can't stand arrogant sexists, rich spoilt self conscious brats. and, rude people. i live like a robotic zombie, in literal meaning. right now, everything seems so pointless. going back malacca, from the trip back home which I want and desire to extend, hasn't done any good. i don't know why but im getting pretty sick of some things that i used to love at times. Same piece of shit. Maybe i'm just.. still confused. But not 100% though. Mostly, am still the same old me. *smiles*

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captivating.

"At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes, all you need is one."

i are you?

i believe that everything happens for a reason. people change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them, when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

life has been great. with a lil spice added in to. problems are bound to happen sometimes,
its not like we want to. it just does. and the fact that we cant run away from it forever. besides, whats the point of living if all you want in life is great good happy yippee stuffs? wouldnt you be bored of the same old thing? ups and downs in life are what made it worth living for.

a problem comes, u face, u deal, u move on. there are people whom I'd want to apologize to, people whom I wanna thank. as things may happen the way we did not want it to happen. as we might say things that may indirectly hurt. as we might make faces without realizing that it touches them the way we do not want them to be touched. at times, we may not realize our own wrong doings until other people pin point it out to you. so, people, sorry and thank you.

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drugs and ecstacies.

Location : UiTM Malacca's netball court
Date : 05/03/08, Wednesday
Time : 06.50pm, After training
Motive : Fun Seekers On Crack

majulah sukan untuk negara? pfft ;p

xoxo.

spotted: adlynn has just transformed her own self into a gossip girl fan.

ouhkayh zariq, now i understand the time when u 'abandoned' me due to concentrating on watching this. i admit the series is pretty fine. but still, it was cruel of you to do so.
err. oke. back to the topic. just simply posting this up. ;)

xoxo

random.

" If you ever loved, been loved, or wanted to be in love, you have had to face a frustrating fact: different people can mean different things by that simple phrase "I love you." "

----John Alan Lee

sweet home alabama?

btw, im home! yes. again. after two weeks.

05:10pm, 06/03/08
got down from the bloody expensive yellow cab (mum had some things to do and therefore couldnt pick me up),
caught a glimpse of miya peeking through the window,
shouted as loud as i can with no sense of embarassment,

'miyaaaaa! bukak pintuuuuu!'
'KAK LYNNNNNNNNN!' *shouted miya while smiling tooth-thee-ly*

smelling the sweet scene of home and seeing the cute naughty-ness of my youngest brat and the darked-sunburnt-ness of my second brat just makes me smile. :)
somehow, this sem i seem to miss home often-ly? unlike last sem. i think i only come back like once a month isnt it ma? gah.
ma, i miss you too! ouh, and you too bloggie. yikes. *laughs*

confession of a confusion

sometimes, its hard to define whats really on my mind.
what am i really thinking? what do i really want? who am i really? what am i doing exactly?
people who know me, would know that i would not do a single thing to hurt a single soul.
either its my fault, or its not my fault,
the word sorry will still be heard coming out from my very own mouth.
either apologizing, or keeping quiet and accepting the blame.
i guess my way of being friendly disagrees with yours huh?
dhaous, sorry again!
never mean to do the things that i did.
you're a close buddy of mine and you know i love you.
a thousand sincerest apologies from the darkest depths of my sorrows.
lets erase the pain and repeat the happys shall we?

btw, welcome to the blogging world bf!