condescending smile.

a dark look eclipsed the humour in the eyes. smiles in the face of admiration. metempsychosis and BOOM! the transmigration of soul happens. creeping sick with jealousy, from squeak to squawk. supremely and unashamedly disdainful.
the truth is hard, the truth is awkward and very often the truth hurts. i mean, people say they want the truth, but do they really mean it? sometimes we tell the truth because, the truth is all we have to give. sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to really hear it for ourselves. and sometimes we tell the truth because we can't help ourselves. sometimes we tell them because we owe them, at least that much.
i guess i have been thinking a lot lately. and my brain simply upped and died at times when i have nothing to think or wonder about. feel free to join! side note : (i) my soul is currently craving for good food. anyone? (ii) HAPPY ANNY ili and ann. :) i love yous.

loyal thrill.

I LUST. I WANT.

fox lox.

have you ever have a dream that it seems so real that it is hard to believe? what would you do if what you thought is true? and what would you do if what you thought is not true? sometimes, life gets strange in your dream (or non-dream-wise too). would you retreat to your dreams and make it more reality? and in a away to wake up, to face lies that you made? and you can only hope in that dark moment of reflection, that you are not alone. HAVE YOU EVER?
i blabbed half way and my mind seems to disconnect. there goes my midnight trans-cuckoo post. i need carbs! strike three, you're im out.

cliche gauche.

ever wonder what random marks or signs are telling you? if one life can really make an impact on the world, of the choices that we made matter, i believe they do and i believe that one man (in my case, woman that is?) can change many life. for better or for worse. sometimes in order to move forward you have to move back. and in this case, just a few minutes would be enough.
heart kicked against the rib. cowardly shell of defeat. swell of confidence that turned the smile into one of languid self satisfaction. powerful yet indolent eroticism. one minute erotic sensuousness, the next, gauchely NAIVE. too many in mind that blurting them all seems fine at the moment.
now things will get harder, and its going to burn brighter, and its going to feel tougher. good luck lads and lasses in facing the new semester. cant wait? you bet. schmaltzy, stupid, insipid!
ili baby and amir dearie, hang on to our dream aite? arcade massacre lads and lasses!

monkey champ.

it says there on the trophy,
Global Art and Creative Sdn Bhd,
Drawing and Colouring Contest
Champion ( Group A).
may i have a round of applause? please and thank you.
this is, sister M's first lifetime award! ngeh ngeh. she's five and she's vibe. i see many coming sister. proud of you and you know it. :)
mother, runs in the family? uh-huh.

side note : (i) calling upon RAJA ANBREEN AQEELA RAJA AZIZ. mayday mayday. weyh, i need the snorkeling pics weyh. :p (ii) Azmira sayang, i promise i'll bring you to pav one day kay? ;p

chaos maos.

sister D's birthday party i would like to conclude in words. havoc, chaos, chicken runs, tired, messy, many, much, merry, cuckoo, backache, and little tiny miny of fun prolly? anyways, i see u enjoyed pretty much the escaping part from the slavery the whole day today since its your big day. as also the need to encounter(?) and entertain friends. oh well, you'll pay for it. (mode : evil) happy birthday again kiddo. (did not managed to snap alot of photo. apologies.)

spot the not?

the jinjangness.

cousins and families did not miss the free food too.

i burst yours, you burst mine? yeah.

this is only a quarter of the chaos i mentioned.

errr. IDK?

mother took this. tak nampak cake powerpuff pulak. oh bugger.

mother took this too. i was either busy being the washer slash cleaner slash chief assistant cook. or entertaining guests and my only two friends who came. which explains why the picture only expose most of my window and only a tiny miny bit of sister in it. ngeh. the unable-ness of fulfilling the duty of photographer was a disappointment id say. had too much to handle. oh well.

and this, i dont know why, but father sort of dedicated the cake to me. (we had two cakes by the way. one is the cheaper cake for them children, and the other for us! ngeh.) and picture two, nephew Danial concentrating on posing for the cam. peace?

aaah. this people, is my 18 years old pet-sister Azmira. thanks for dropping by. and id have to say sorry as i cant help the urge of snapping this picture of you and your big M. Rajoli bike. ngeh. and Amar, thank you too. all the way there to here. eventhough did not really get to spent time and entertain you two, i see you survived anyway. sayang lah kat korang. cheers! :) (as for my other friends whom has been in silent mode, god bless.)

p/s : sister D, hope you like the Hannah Montana books. read more will you, lazy bimbo monkey.

got talent?

got this form amar :)
pretty awesome id say. give me a beep if you can move like that! :D
GEORGE SAMPSON, im in love. haha.

birthday bash.

HAPPY 11TH BIRTHDAY SISTER D.

you might be a pain in the ass. you might be THE most jinjang-est sister i ever had. no doubt on that. you might be awfully annoying. or even simply not in my favourite list. but whatever you might be, deep down i still love you. (beneath all those screamings and scoldings and scowlings and bossing around of course. deep deep beneath by the way.) happy birthday again kiddo. BE A GOOD 11 YEAR OLD GIRL. yes, im warning you. and have fun being eleven!

bugger.

current mode : lousy.
D my man. even the bad turns good some day. i believe what i believe; everyone change, if love manage to squeeze itself in between. and boy oh boy, you are wrong to ever judge me that way. you'll have to pay for the damages you've caused.
despite much enthusiasm of getting my hair cut today, i was let down and semi disappointed. cant describe the dissatisfaction. it did not go well and wasnt like i wanted. needed hair cut so badly earlier as anything that reaches a 'medium' hair level is a pest. and now i loathe. regret? you bet. bummer. *inhale, exhale* id better stop whining. right. and oh, DEAR, i miss you.
p/s : qiela, eiykaa, quya, sabar yer. havent got all the pictures yet. lols.

regression linear?

have you ever have a taste of regret? i bet every single one of us does.
regret comes in all shapes and sizes. some are small. like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. some are bigger. like when we let down a friend. some of us escaped the pain of regret by making the right choice. some of us have little time for regret because we're looking forward to the future. sometimes we have to fight and to come to terms with the past. and sometimes we bury our regret. and promise to change in ways. but our biggest regret are not for the things we did, but for the things we didnt do or things we didnt say that could have save someone we care about. especially when we can see the darkest dark coming in their way.
and for that, it made living life harder and theres nothing you can do to not to face it. unless you have a time machine like doraemon does that is.

no no no.

ili loves me so much that she made this schedule for me. ngeh. i love you more weyh! :D

facts to note : (i) in less than a week, id be back to beloved Malacca ass-ing myself off again and starting back the old routine. (ii) bye bye home, bye bye net, hello lendu, hello books. (iii) i have classes on Friday till 4.20. which means, the chances of going home often in the weekend like i used to in the previous semester are typically slim. righteous. more time spent in Malacca. hell-to-the-yeah. (iv) my evening classes schedules are superbly contrast compared to ili baby's. which also means, we can hardly train together in the evening, daiyumn! IMYA. (i know) haha. (v) lets live the remaining of my semester break to the fullest shall we? ready, set, GO!
side notes : ANBREEN, get your ass online! :p

le homme.

hello you. oh God, Pangkor trip resembling Zeus greatness. Monday's start, picturesque-- almost sealed with a kiss from the Heavens with a gladiator that screams man! masculine! tough! and it wasn't kryptonite. will post more about it later tomorrow. (as soon as i get the pictures from Ili and Ann that is) right now, pillow's calling and the need answer it is so a must. oh how i miss you bed. righteous. stay tuned.

run forest run.

escaping to Pangkor tomorrow with beloved femme friends (and 2 other non-femme) of mine. see you in three days!
*hugs and sniffs*

picture conquest.

stooges truly.

forever 21.

HAPPY SWEET 21 DEAREST COUSIN!
Chew Jong Dick, 21, single and available. :D

welcome to the illegal side of the world friend! eh, wait. i think you've been to that side of the world already. haha. oh well, happy 21st birthday. you're old. yeay me. :)

those good old days. these were like in the year of 94 i think? there werent any dates in the photo. so, just simply took a wild guess. ngeh. but im very clear where this is though. singapore baby! :)

its weird that although you have a sister whos the same age as me, i still am closer to you compared to her. bestfriend lagi kan? :D and i still remember you like to tease her 'fei po' and make silly jokes and all id do is laugh and adore how happy i was when with you. (seriously, no offence Su Ann. i still love you the same! ngeh.) then id end up sleeping over at your place in your room. lols. then we'll play blackjack or watch tv after uncle Chew slept, or cook and feast ourselves with home made supper! or even play 'football' using tennis ball! :D

darn those good all days. :)

Chew Jong Dick, Wan Adlynn Diyana, Chew Su Ann :)
now that all of us grew up, you've become more handsome and matured (aiceh!), and Su Ann turned to a butterfly! (no more fei po kan ann? hehe), our relationship werent as warm as it used to be. but still, deep deep down, i know all of us are still craving for those old days. whatever it is, i will always treasure the past, present and future.
I LOVE YOU WEYH :D
happy birthday again!
*hugggs*

SIDE NOTE : Ili, Ann, will you guys stop saying i look like Dinie? oh good lord. what can i say, us three came from the same egg. right mother? :p

shapeshifters.

zilch. everything happens for a reason, no?
cranky-ness aside, enthusiasm aside, i feel this incredible pang of happiness (or is it Justice?) but anyhow, i can't wait for Monday tomorrow. spending it with the people i would want to spend three decades with on a stranded island and the boys from the band. (the boys are just figure of speech of course) shitheads don't know what we're capable of, eh? i can conclude yesterday in three words; Lucas Scott, duvet diving, laughs. today would be; Lucas Scott, Joey Tribbiani, ANXIETY. good combination might i add. im going to pick up my happy pills now. im beyond excited. and nothing is spoiling this i tell you. so, shoo evils!

recuperate!

there comes a time when every life goes off of course. and in this desperate moment, how would you be? will you let down your defends and find solid in someone unexpected? will you reach out? will you face your greatest fear bravely? and move forward with faith. or will you succumb to the darkness in your soul?
i love post-midnight discoveries. it starts with a single idiot, partly disheveled after a good nap-- and comes another lad who's, say, in the higher echelons of the primate hierarchy; ranting about hunger pangs, whilst rehearsing acid jazz on electronic five-strings-- then another, customarily baffled upon no reason. there, perfect. three o'clock living room repertoire.
i attempted a dreary hello. on evenings i hibernate. and drop F-bombs and C-bombs on occasion. conversation did precede with two-way exchange of sarcasm and wit. ah, i have missed such lovely things. forthcoming weekends: wait, mondays are so not weekends. gah. scrap that. i can't look forward towards such else except (i) Pangkor. (ii) Pangkor. (iii) Pangkor. yes. enthusiasm overtakes hyperventilatism. i am stoked. lush things! a merry sunday to you!

being me.

amar asraf and suhairi idzhar. :)
my boyfriends gay partners! haha.
kidding lads. :D
xoxo

kiasu or kiasi?

woke up this morning and saw mother dressed up on her way out. then i remembered its parents teachers day today? or you might call it hari ambik report card. (yes. im well aware. my BM sucks) and so, decided to tag along and witness the so called smart ass but lazy sister D and see how she did in school. out of boredom and a little of evil side of self, ive decided to do a little tiny miny comparison. ngeh.

(enlargement is doable by clicking at the image)
this was my report card in the year of 1999 when i was in standard 4?

sister D's. year 2007, standard 4.

Wan Adlynn Diyana, 5K (2000).

Wan Dinie Diyana, 5H (2008).

self, 6B(2001)

hah! i beat you by percentage sister! heh. one thing though, us both are never good in chinese language. since i myself only managed to get B in my UPSR. and we both too excel in sports and only good in figures? (not to brag. seriously. but it is real?) it runs in the family perhaps? but still, mestilah tak boleh beat mother. check this out. proof of purchase excel-ness.

Name : Nadiah Diyana Tan Bt Abdullah

Programme : Doctor of Philosophy
Field of Study : Extension Education
Semester : 7
Faculty : Faculty of International Studies
CUMULATIVE GRADE POINT AVERAGE : 3.956

oh, and have a feast of pictures of my new born cousin that i left out last week.

Andrew Leong Jaq Hynn, 8days old. hoo-ray!
congratulations ber yee. :D

long commute.

this is old isnt it? heh. king of lendu road. :D

have you ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? it makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. how many moments of other people's lives had we been in. or when we're apart of someone's life when their dream came true. or were we there, when their dreams died? did we keep trying to get in, as if we were somehow destined to be there? or did the shock take us by surprise? just think, you can be a big part of someone else's life, and not even know it.
and i love you people for being in mine. when i sway between elation and depression. or yet turned into lunatic asylums that strangles mentally using pink warmers or being intrinsically nosy. nonplussed, calm was always restored. i love yous!

quote?

my sister said something sort-of-wise today;

'mama buang habuk hari-hari,
papa buang angin hari-hari.'

very clever. and scientific enough. if you know what i mean that is.

0000 hours.

contrary to what i feel now and despite much enthusiasm of the quick date today, i feel semi-tired and somewhat unsatisfied. the movie at Gardens was good, had laughs watching Get Smart. it was pretty hilarious. id say 8 out of 10. putting aside the extremely high priced cinema and the uncomfortable seats provided. really, which explains the backache im currently suffering. (but movie was on dear boyfie, much thanks dear) didnt get to snap and am still not happy. on the other hand, managed to indulge in certain number of human behavior observance. i just love watching and analyzing monoloque-ly.
got back home shortly. a date which consists only a movie and minutes of loitering around. no meals as he already had his and decided to have mine at home since its almost dinner time. but it was good to get to see you. had bath and ate two packets of indomee which is breakfast, lunch and dinner compiled together (not really a big fan of rice), and parked myself in front the television with lappy on my lap clickety clacking happily.
oh, by the way, came home and found notes left on my lappy. im semi-sane and semi-emotional and i know why. know why and it sucks to know why because knowing why will alert me that i actually know what will satisfy me and i hate what i know. again, semi-sane. sorry.

will someone please press the fast forward button to monday please? this waiting is driving me crazy.

silhoutte dreams.

i feel like camwhoring. so if you please, just hush.

when things are supposed to be better-- it gets much worse, don't it? people & cash, the things we'd do for it, hmph. things are getting better though, so cheers. the trick is to keep breathing. why waste minutes of crying when you can smile? suck it all up like a strong person. but ive learned that it is OKAY to be human. so, smile smile lads and lasses. and, ouh Lord, do me some justice! and spare some to my precious girls too, if you mind.
side note : congratulation on your marvelous, spectacular, atrociously amazing result mother. she got 3.96 by the way. currently doing her PHD. yes. thats my mother we're talking about. (there you go. ive blogged about this like you asked me to. heh. you owe me a McD mother. please and thank you.) id better go downstairs now and enjoy my bak kut teh while watching cantonese series. goodbye for now.

tie a knot.

im feeling shitloads better now, that everything's calming down. or you know, probably just for now (please, God no) and yeah, Lucas Scott is keeping me distracted from the hectic life lately. not that hectic, really-- but just, confusing. yeah, okay. im weird like that. apparently the original plan has now became one unoriginal plan. whatever it is, praying hard that the merry-ness will still be there. lets put them far far aside and just have fun with ourselves shall we babes? damn, calming much?
despite the fact, and all the ramblings about me being fine, about me being good, things getting better, i knew this would happen all along. happiness dont come permanent, its not one of the things that i have just learned. i knew this was going to happen, sooner or later. when everything is right, when you start feeling a little bit better than any other average days, and you don't fake smiles anymore. it's never permanent, is it? somebody stop me! (wait, OKAY, im getting more dramatic, im aware.)

uber.

what more can you ask for?

anti-gravity.

its a little sad. but its only a matter of time. time heals everything isnt it? of course you wouldnt know what im talking about. heh. well, dont need to anyways. in no way that would that let me down. and dearly girlfriends' impromptu generosity made way to a trans-fat party. a fortnight after i declared war against bad bones and age deficiency. cola seemed heaven-sent. french fry a four, in between a palm's lean fingers, and the other, clickety clacking on the keyboard of mine. merci, God. hours after dawn-- after months of procrastinating-- jammed the pint-sized drive into the theather system (hell yeah) and pulled out 'Lucas Scott' sitting on top of 'Joey Tribbiani'. the twisted betrayal tops Mark Burnett's twisted ways of directing. thing is, my heart sank. i am known for my evasive emotions. emotional outbursts bring me no good, or so allegedly. it glassed my eyes, with every bit of poignancy. okay. im being dramatic here am i? hell yeah i am. scrap that now. i forgot how that particular book left me in emotional disarray a year back, and to watch it unfold with actors caged in solidity-- and from a superb Marc Foster, I received nothing less. id better stop.
before that! a new quest is found : ili, lets kick some serious ass for the next four sems. cause we're rocking the plane in 2 years time babe. smack ass! anbreen, you too. jum! and ouh. i was frowning a minute ago for some reasons. and now he plastered a smile back on me. merry.

note to self.

kick a cab, jump in it, head to the airport, and fly me somewhere far far away. i want to go to california. or maybe melbourne or auckland. and live that so-called-fairytale. when the world goes haywire, i go into hiding. see you when the war is over.
short fused? delusional? yes. i agree. slap me hard and stuff me with coco crunch. oui. si. yes. side note : bye Tioman. hello Pangkor. heh. whatever it is, hello bitch beach. countdown baby! :D

caged, confined.

one-off wonders. someone chain me. to something nice though - a snack machine next to soap opera box, and cable. because im manufactured by god with hints of testosterone. for it not be you, God -- i could have pledged wholly towards femininity. evening scampered into dusk. extra delusional after Lucas Scott consumption. i know. too yummy to be true. amidst mixed retard hormones, aptly did embed talents that lets this lithe excel in shifty schemes. glorified with dainty rosebuds. perfect imagery of tea party ensemble in my own time continum. adorned in technicolor ribbon. perfection. on-hold quest for, vacay away with femmes and, non femmes. case one : call up man behind scene, provide everyone with dirty details of Tioman. and by midnight, with stems of fatique.. settled lithesome self with diving under the duvet next to OK go and Kooks darling-- ever loyal if not paused. its not a favourite as of late. but quesadillas with sour cream transitions doubtful self into a merry wreck. heck and the perpetuate self paved its way back. i should stop now. too many metaphor. i should go lie down. i have lost my touch. oh crap!

smile smile.

mother, i found this extremely adorable. and thus decided to dedicate it to you. its a some sort of before and after situation. you're welcome. ngeh. smile smile.

before - fridge frad

after - diet slave

attempt on wit.

ive decided to do one boring post.
ive come to a conclusion that. if having things turning out the way you wanted it to, is major of a successful life, then, some would say that im a failure. the important thing is, not to be bitter over life disappointments. learn to let go of the past. and recognize that everyday wont be sunny bright. when you find yourself lost in the darkness of spare, remember, its only in the black of night where you see the stars. and those stars will lead you back home. so dont be afraid to make mistakes, or stumble and fall hard on your head or something. cause most of the time, the greatest reward comes from doing the thing that scares you the most. maybe you get everything you wanted, maybe you get more than you could ever imagine, who knows where life could take you. the road is long, and in the end, the journey is the destination. curses come in disguise as blessings? i say, cheerios!

oblivion.

oh, hi. amazing weekend, again. the week was just fine. minus today's so-called-fathers day. which was pretty much like any other normal day. dont ask why. but, i have no grudge against either. spent half of the day doing sister D's homework -- some Kajian Tempatan folio about the earth's physical structure? sister goes to chinese school by the way. which means i have to do it in chinese. (trust me, you wont be able to stand her whining and annoying behavior both served in a big plate right in front of your face.) and another half of the other half of the day playing beauty salon with mother. you do my face, i'll do your face. righteous!
tomorrow shall be spent cleaning and organizing and other uninteresting shit routine of mine. or! spend time with Lucas Scott. drools. i have little to say right now. i feel the need to revamp myself now. i need a vacay. (ann, me too!) and take good care of my t-zone which prolly contains enough oil to deep fry some french fries. eek. now thats disgusting.
p/s : happy fathers day. p p/s : dearest azwan adam, belajar rajin rajin! ngeh. ;p love love.

saturday 14th.

to the wrath of my thoughts. first off, finished painting the house porch around 4.15, took bath, got ready, and all good waiting for Syamir to pick me up to Band Comp. dont really know the real reason of 'participating' in this annual event almost every year since my cousin got in the band. as almost every year all i ever witnessed were human butts and them playing live on the big huge screen. perhaps the meeting friends part has cut down the irritate-ness.
so, anyway, went to pick up Ann later on. headed to Merdeka Square straight, parked the car, met Amar, Su, East, Hafizudin, Kamil (them st johannians) and Nadia- Amar's sister, then went to grab something to eat. wanted to go for Mcd at first, but because everyone was practically sweating and couldnt stand the heat in Mcd, us all went for BK instead. ate some good food. yes, french fries, i categorize as good food.
Ili and Awie came later on. then we went back to Dataran. decided to only settle with the big huge screen instead of going to the front with the crowds. (crowds = heat = hot = sweat = no no!) parked our butts in the middle of the wet field, and start having so-called-picnics.
mother and siblings arrived soon after the picnic session. the group got bigger, and like Ann said, we did somehow kind of look like a big family. father did not join us of course. he'd bore himself to death if he does. thus, sleeping in the car at this moment couldnt be more fun for him. joy.
performance ended, results were announced. which was very predictable and boring id say. VI was the winner and SJI was the runner up. bak kate ili, 'nak je i pegy kat mic and cakap tak heran pun, bye.' heh. didnt get to meet my cousins though.

walking to Mcd Burger King. Anbreen wanted to show off her new shades. ngeh. :p

Amar, si kipas, Hafizudin, East, Anbreen. MIA: Kamil

Anbreen! TCF. haha.Syamir. taksub Vi. haha. :p

Ann, this pic is very dramatic weyh. he likes to tease me. and then ill do the honor of pinching his flabbs which he denied and call it muscles.

itu tangan Ili. die jeles. kan Ann kan?

mother and sister M.

she came and hanged with us. yeah, i have a cool mother who hangs out with me and my friends. ngee.

semua konon nak buat muke same.

four 'peace's.

:)) MIA : mother's face.

told you its like a picnic.

anyhoos, had a quite great time. cant wait for tioman. merry greatness awaits. made me piss in my pants. (its a metaphore of course!) yawns have become kings. bed and pillows have summoned. till then. p/s : nadia, you comel gile oh! sumpah! lol. p p/s : ber yee gave birth yesterday. hello new born. welcome to the world. :D