voque nippon.

im home! for the independence weekend.
oh god, caffeins and i am lost. i am a ghost, i writhe through seconds, and i am living on three a.m caffeine fixes, the munchies in the mouth and.. Lucas Scott. well, i didnt exactly lived on caffeine. only when i have need to burn whatever midnight oil so as to not perish in the world of numbers and to tame the manufacturers, the debtors, and creditors and whosoever. the dip in accounting i mean. if you get what i mean. if you dont, well thats fine. slept at 7am yesterday morning due to preparation for financial accounting common test (FAR200). i dont exist as of late. or, maybe i do? i am an OWL. gah. anyways, the test was a nightmare, it was as if i woke up from the dream hoping i did not wet my pants. but, i did. well, i didnt really peed in pants! what i meant was, the test sucked so bad that it feels like i peed in pants. slap me with something hard please. im babbling and inserting nonsense. yes, im aware.

I have a bad spine, neck hurts from time to time, pretty little dousche bags under my eyes, mononucleosis (oh god, disappear, please) and i hurt after a 10-minute pilates session. no, i dont do pilates. what was it you call it? figure of speech?

what happened throughout the week : (i) had tonnes of assignments and a couple of tests and quizzes. (theres more this coming week. oh, good lord.) im not the only with schools of assignments. everybody is. yes, im alert. (ii) zero training session. everyone was pretty tied up with replacement class and mid terms. what a disgrace. i miss. (iii) almost zero frolicking with femmes. and again, busy busy busy with capital B. (iv) mother had a little accident, her ligament was torn, and now she hangs her left arm around her neck wherever she goes. pity you. bak kate papa, tula main tak nak warm up, nie nie nie... tu tu tu.... babble babble. *evil laughs* oh well, screw him mother. at least you have others who care! anyways, i am so scribbling and doodling that cast of yours! now you can join my team of the OKU's! (v) extravagant oaths from mid-week to decrease procrastinated workloads and procrastinations.

righteous. i am goddamn exhausted and full of fatigueness. i need my sleep. goodnight.

i insult me.

have you ever feel like you’ve done something so significantly bad and you just feel like disconnecting self with the world for what you’ve done cant be removed or corrected no matter how hard you tried?

Or, feeling very, very useless and helpless as you let your thought of guilt float around with nothing you can do to fix or to amend it?

People make mistakes. Yes. That is a common statement we often hear. But why didn’t they regret and turn over a new leaf for not wanting to repeat the same mistake and feeling the same distressing guilt? Word is, remorse. Or perhaps they did regret, but it was only for a brief moment, and then a nanosecond passed and it was flushed away with the wind. Why is it so darn hard to not make mistakes? We are all ordinary people. Yes. I know. But still, you tell yourself over and over again not to do it, but yet, without realizing, it got slipped pass you, and BOOM! You did it again. Well done, human!

I am fragile. Easily broken and delicate. Forlorn? No, thank you. But I tend to mask it away by putting on a brave face. Unless you really know me and you’ll be able to dig through all the layers and uncover the covered. After all, I was often labeled as banal predictable. Meaning foreseeable, knowable, obvious, inevitable, unavoidable, humdrum and the list goes on. Not forgetting a person who loathes and abhors loneliness and inattention-ness. Which is why I tend to collect all the attention I can get. You can call me needy or deprived. But I am me. this is who I am. Take it or leave it.

written at, 12:24am, 28/08/2008.

p/s : girlfriends, no offense, none of these are to any of you. Was just putting every piece of my claptrap nonchalant thoughts into hollow words. :)

the-not-so-perfect-ten.

picture tag? by Eikha and Lya. (Eikha, this took me long too weyh. haha.) budak duorang ni rajin betol mentagging. :p it should be solo picture i think? but i dont have much! oh well.

1. A picture of you at the most unique environment.
Describe the environment.
Im a part time 'kuli' and a full time bully! *evil laughs*


2. A picture of you at somewhere you dislike.
Describe why you dislike that place.
It's in Borders, and theres too many temptations. too many i tell you!


3. A picture of you with someone who means a lot to you.
Who is that person and what did that person do to you before?
She's my e-ve-ry-thing.

4. A picture of you with your best smile (mouth open).
Why were you smiling?
Because i was excited?


5. A picture of you with your best smile (mouth closed).
Were you posing or smiling naturally?
oh well. need i say more? heh.


6. A picture of you with your lamest pose.
Give this picture a capture. I know, i know. take it or leave it. haha.

7. A picture of you with the one of the people who stand on top of your heart.
Is that person treating you like how you're treating him/her?
she is. arent you? right? kan kan? jawaaaaaaaaabb, haha.


8. A picture of you with some toys or cute stuff.
What were you with?
i dont really do cute toys or soft toys. ni boleh? the pink basketball andddd, that litlle monkey. :D


9. A picture of you in white shirt.
Why were you wearing white instead of black?
because i love white :D


10. A candid picture with you and your friends.
Do you look good in it?
what say you? :D

and i tag,
- ili
- ann
- amar
- dee
- ara
- wanie
- qila
- tyha
- azue
- bedah
-egie

mr pitiful.

yes, the moaning again, i will be going back to Malacca. holiday has come to an end after endless shoutings and screamings (metaphor?) of not wanting the holiday to end, however, it decided to go against my wants. DARN! end of holiday equals to beginning of mid term tests, quizzes, etcetera etcetera. excuse the luxurious nonsense. pointless banters that is.
what i was up to today : (i) started my day by frolicking with financial costing. did not manage to tackle them good as i was out of reference, most of my books are in Malacca. joy. spent 70% of 23rd of august at the island of books (as named by Aina). (ii) no lavish plans spent today. as father went missing for hours and mother was exhausted from her function thingy. and i, stood aghast. no, i mean, i, end up talking to the lappy dearie. and also end up collecting pieces of disappointments over hope of scampering-over-the-mall getting crushed. (you may insert sympathy here) *coughs
welcome back to school lads and lasses! semi merriness excursions semi digression over the holidays that is! its three. off to comatose mode. bonne nuit!

it seems that, everyone is someone's somebody. is the world getting smaller or the circle of friends are getting bigger?

simply treacherous.

hours of time spent on island of books can do you harm. hence, the boredness causes the willingness to be tagged. ngeh.

Tagged by Lya and Eikha :p

RULES:

1. put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down NO MATTER HOW silly it sounds.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Put this on your journal.

1. If someone says, "is this okay?" ... you say?
I Want It That Way - Backstreet Boys
*yeah. i still have them in my playlist! haha.

2. How would you describe yourself?
Butterfly - Corinne Bailey Rae.
*ohmy. flutterby more like!

3. What do you like in a guy?
Until Yesterday - JC Chasez
*ouh yeah. haha.

4. How do you feel today?
Make A Move - Incubus
*hurm. i think thats my cue to get back to the books? hell.

5.What is your life's purpose?
Dont You Worry Bout A Thing - John Legend
*ooh. shall i really not? lol.

6. What is your motto?
Lying is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Talking Her Clothes Off - Panic At The Disco.
*oopsie. ha-ha-ha.

7. What do your friends think of you?
Someone's Watching Over Me - Hillary Duff
*awww :)

8. What do you think of your parents?
The Curse Of Curve - Cute Is What We Aim For
*daiyumn! hahaha.

9. What do you think about very often?
A Million Ways To Be Cruel - OK Go.
*wuuu. gile villain! haha.

10. What is 2 + 2?
Only Fooling Myself - Kate Voegele
*yeah, i think i am! lols.

11. What do you think of your best friend?
Survivor - Destiny Child.
*COOL :D

12. What do you think of the person you like?
Sway - The Kooks.
*meaning like the chinese saying of no luck's 'sueh'?

13. What is your life story?
The Tale of Gus And Sam - Ferraby Lionheart.
*okay, doesn't make any sense, who's gus and sam?

14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Deep and Meaningless - Rooster.
*waaa. no waaaaayyyy man!

15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Tearing Up My Heart - NSYNC.
*haha. this, no comment!

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
Acid Jazz Singer - The Frattelis.
*hurm. not bad. but is it dance-able?

17. What will they play at your funeral?
Sexyback - Justin Timberlake.
*hahahaa. CHOI!

18.What is your hobby/interest?
Fever Dream - Dashboard Confessional.
*dream? no i dont!

19. What is your biggest fear?
Dynamtez Moi - BB Brunes.
*huh? fear of self? hurm.

20. What is your biggest secret?
This Is Home - Switchfoot.
*wha?

21. What do you think of your friends?
Stripers - Soho Dolls.
*hahaha. are yous? woohoo!

22. What will you post this as?
We Intertwined - The Hush Sound.
*i like this song!very very very much.

and i tag YOUS! :)

cinnamon lips.

KARISMA 2007.

i miss.

contagious.

'words of wisdom, make yourself useful this holiday.'

-Sir V.Jeyaraman

righteous. forgive me for i have sinned. i think i have only been 10% useful. *sigh* lads and lasses, throw your hands up in the air. im DEVOTING. no, certainly aint no joke. Lendu library, here i come! tears of joy.

darn. those filthy books are calling and waving and begging to be read. BYE.

lucas eugene scott.

crave, drools, smack, slap, slap and yank.

no, stop.

im in mood, for midnight rantings.

you know how when you were a little kid and you believed in FAIRY TALES, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill on a white horse. you would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. most people turn to the things and people they can trust. but the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true. wishing it is the same as in fairytales.
and at the end of the day faith is a funny thing. it turns up when you don't really expect it. its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. the castle, well, it may not be a castle. and its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. see once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away. like mine does.

suddenly, we're adults. when did that happen? how do we make it stop? its called thinking. go with it.

where are thou?

my gangrene-infected, amputated limb.

SOS.

text received :

14:23:21
22-08-08
'ngok! you kat mane? i kat pavilion da. haha. :p'

text sent :
14:25:19
22-08-08
'haha. kentot you! ta g smayang jumaat eh? :p. gaga.
i kt rumah doe. tengah dipakse rogol dengan calculator.'

ini mendatangkan kemarahan.
cis. biadap. damn you.

SOS.

sculptured jaw.

there is a tide in the affairs of men. which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. but omitted, and the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and miseries. on such a full sea are we now afloat, and we must take the current when it serves- or lose the ventures before us.
to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight. and NEVER stop fighting. yes. these words are indeed very motivating. hence, the strength one needs to move self is yet immensely large. however, one like me will never give up easily. no, it just doesnt come with the nature.

sometimes, you lie to protect the ones you love.
its something you have to live with, and someday hope actions will prove it true.

i could die like this and no one could ever know why only the sense of your mind. its not my fault i dont know how to contain myself. do you ever wonder if we make the moments in our life or if the moments in our lives make us?
i need to study. *emo switch turned off*

noir frock.

good god. head hurts. heart aches. im on guilty terms, and its... midnight hours on net and HUSH SOUNDS. boy. i practically downloaded all the songs i can find.
kicks of vibes : (i) im home. yes. reached at 11pm. which is amazing as we departed quite late. i secretly believe father had a dream of becoming a F1 racer once upon a time. (ii) original plan, outing with femmes on friday. but due to certain reason such as financially disturbed and emotionally unstable due to excessive guilt over tucking books aside, i guess the day will be spend of frolicking with le books instead. two days of holidays left. too many things, too little time. (ili, envy oke?) joy. a little help here?
i find myself sighing rapturously. all these whining, echoing, shrilling through hills, piercing through a blood curdling, panic stricken cry that seems to surge out from nowhere, and tears through the sky, then end up coiling around like a lashing whit. righteous. i might have been just a little too dramatic here. bottom point! kidnap me so i wont have to be back in Malacca. please i beg you. (okay, you may slap me)
but on the other hand, missing le femme so absolutely freaking much. which is one reason that drives self back to Malacca. oh well, life goes on whether you like it or not. nothing treats you fair. greatness awaits lads and lasses!

lighting arc.

vain? YES!

in war with self.
quick updates! what ticks today's bomb : (i) tour at rantau panjang and wakaf che yeh. (ii) endless amount of car chaos caused by sister D and sister M. (iii) few pleasure purchases.

while walking and shopping at rantau panjang,
little sister M got tired and bored (you know how little todds are), added with the extra heat that causes extra hot, she decided to came up with this brilliant idea of hers.

'mama, i want to die already. lets go back.'

okay. brilliant. that one causes plates of laughters.

ouh, i found out a fact when im in the car.
the only time when im in peace, is when my sisters are ASLEEP. no, seriously, i could just throw them out of the car if i could. judging on the chaoses they produce, which is even worse than terrorist terrorising territories. but that would be inhuman.
im off. yawns has become kings. see you!

nik aziz.

kelantan! 11hours journey! online! wifi! lobby! hot! mosquitos!
boy. im so out of words. can you tell? heh.

god hear me, thanks. wait. alright, alright. id spill. after 11 hours of sitting in the car, i finally arrived and was extremely glad that i almost danced gleefully when i found out that wifi are available at the hotel lobby. yeay me. oh, the glee. all hail to total merry. bad news? im currently online-ing at the lobby at 1am, with the aircond turned off (for what reason i dont know), and mosquitos squirming gracefully around me having blood feast. cis. biadap. will update more soon. see you when i see you. xoxo.

side note : aizad, kentot you! :D
side shout : anbreen, rindu. sgt sgt sgt sgt. TAKE CARE oke?

masochistic anchor.

i am perhaps, a little (cough) obsessive-- on, random, some-time revolting, some-time masculine things. it gives me kicks. case in point: whipped cream nozzle placed in mouth, coin clad vests (right on!) no, i am not on drugs. random that is, random i say. public offense, im aware.
midnights are no strangers. i creep through midnights a pseudostate or a non-caffeinated lithe, but it's the usual scenarios that loves me so. excursions over the week : (i) will be going off to Kelantan tomorrow. mother's having a seminar and father's treating it like a fam vacay. pros and cons. pros - vacay. yeay me. touring turns me on. especially them testosterones-rants-le-lad-hunting and the taste of fresh new air. (as if). cons - books are FORCED to be tucked hush-ly underneath the piles of guilts. oh boy. im sorry im sorry im sorry. there you go. told you i cant help it with the guilt. (ii) beloved femme, Nik's leaving to Indonesia on Wednesday. how i wish i could cut self to two and be in two places at a time. take care love! be sure to be safe. (iii) 22nd of august, predicting a femme outings. love overwhelms! missing everyone. good. yes. good. hormone factories, femme-circles, knotted, perverted wit on the run. what is there not to be pleased about. (iv) theatre! Ismail? interesting. but id be in fairytales with mouth wide open not being able to interpret them literature thingy. yes, im that bad. excuse me while i choke. behold elegance attempt.

im currently addicted to The Hush Sound. and i blame him.

assembled love.

the reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. no distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth. the greatest thing you'll learn about love is to love and to be loved in return.
and best friends are those whom you can sit on the porch with and not say a word, then get up and feel like that was the best conversation ever had. and finding them are like panning for gold. you have to sift through the fake ones to dig out the true ones.

etcetera, etcetera. dearest, IMY, ILY.

friends are like when you pee in your pants. everyone can see it, but only you can see it. thanks for being the pee in my pants. XOXO.

Fergie - Labels and Love, dedicated specially to you LADS and LASSES :)

forty foot echo.

after endless numbers of blow-out rantings, I came up with this, an amplitude amount of countless merry. its 3 am and i am currently left hyperventilating. due to over-excert of happiness and anxiousness of watching One Tree Hill. im an addict. yes. i feel like im really there when I consume these dramas. all the highs and lows. its like, I feel it. i even come up with tears as proofs. right. slightly trash-induced. but its all ending soon. ive come to the end of it. what a pity that is.
a female creation of god with highly level impatient hormones could not decline. a smile with gloat. infectious. crude artistic figures. awesome rolling beats to lullaby with. in a word, ACE. a sip of Kate Voegele and Rufus Wainwright’s masterpiece. simply gruesome awesome I tell you. calm down little pervert, calm down. *inhale, exhale*

id better get my sleep. books frolicking the day after today. all hail, all hail. joy.

latex leotard.

father, absent, football, mother daughter road trip, Pangkor Island, wedding, punjabi suit, beach, good foods (not so good this time i reckon..sigh), excessive eggs consuming, farts, diarrhea, radiator broke down, hot, Sitiawan, checked in, hotel mahsuri, midnight cinematic pleasure, You Dont Mess With Zohan, sister D and M, CLUELESS, sleep, morning, wantan mee, checked out, workshop, rm93, Bruas, wedding (again, second one), Tapah, Dunkin Donuts, home.
there you go. too lazy to write (cue blank face).

car broke down, mother turns mechanic. wonder? i bet.Pangkor, wedding #1.timer. :)beach jacoons.nationality = indonesian korean.
name = kartipi hseung.nationality = punjabian chinese
name = letchumy lee cue : mother and sister M busy stuffing eggs, si punjabi and sister D busy camwhoring.IDK?wedding #2.

kiasu or kiasi?

it was thursday and i wasnt wearing black like the other students. then i was shot with lots of questions on why i did not wear black. right. regarding the issue of letting 10% of non-bumi into UITM? everyone has their own speaking right and freedom of thoughts. and so, here's mine.

this issue was brought up long time ago and now it is being brought up again. after all the 'lets wear black shirt to show your support on the protest', and 'lets parade the whole U and show them we want to reserve our rights' thingy. i cant help but spilling these out.

i chose NOT to go against it. reason why? i dont see how letting 10% of non-bumi into our university can affect bumi's special rights? after all, it was only merely a suggestion. how can you be successful and be on top with other high class or world class university or whatever you call it if you're afraid of a little competition? you call yourself as a world class university but yet, it is only open to malaysian malays or bumis? by right, we should have opened up degree or masters or PHD programs to the nons so that it can at least bring up the university's ranking. take a look at UM or UPM, what harm have it got by having the nons in it?

like for example, when one blurts out the word 'UiTM', the first thing that crosses mind is 'laaa. UiTM je?' its like saying every tom, dick and harry are able to be in it. 'name pun UITM, university ini tolong melayu'. this is quite true somehow. orang melayu ni kadang kadang dimanjekan sangat sehingga merosakkan daya usaha melayu. sampai bila nak maju dan berjaya kalau semua pun diberi disuap? (note : no offence, this is only an opinion and it is not dedicated to specifically anyone) where has the class gone? i am not insulting and certainly am not judging it in the way of thinking i am too good to be in it or what. i myself am a bumi and a student in UITM itself. i wasnt saying that it has no class at all. certain courses do have class and are internationally certified. but then, that is only certain?

the intention of giving 10% of our quota is said only to give wider exposure and accepting international and non bumi students in certain fields which involve global issues. plus, to accept or not, the truth is still the truth. fact, the quality of our local education institutions have fallen behind universities in our neighbouring countries. and this is NOT a matter of betraying own race but a matter of bringing up own race to a targeted standard. try asking this to yourself, why didnt our Vice Chancelor or whosoever further their degrees or masters or PHDs locally or in UITM but chose to go overseas instead?

malays should allow others to enjoy what they have been enjoying. they mostly feel that by allowing 10% to the nons, their whole world will collapse. this is a wrong perception. this is, a feeling of kiasu, afraid of competition, lack of self confidence in self's ability. ive had my say.

note : this is just a random piece of thought from a student who is concerned. no offence to those offended intentionally or unintentionally.

troopers poopers.

meet the party poopers. for more enquiry or reservations, call 555-4415.

getting ready to surprise.

marker-ing alphabet A, N, I and S on the balloons.

OHMY. muke macam faggot weyh.

ann and her sexy post.

okayh. we're ready. (read : we = ili and i)

now, we = us all. ngeh.

SURPRISEEEE!

too bad we laughed too hard while on our way to surprise the birthday girl till the candle's light died out while we were doing the ambush.

ape ape pun, amek gmbar dulu.

and then comes the faux!

they're still trying to save the so-called-cake.

yes, blow blow. :)

the singing and the laughing catapulted into a messy havoc chaos. ngeh.
this is when you're financially broke but emotionally affectionately charged :)

birthday girl in the middle :)

'semua orangggg, beratur beratur amek gambarrrrr.'
'A mane A?'
'A dulu laaa. lepas tu baru N, I, semue...'
'yer yer, okay okay.'

A-N-I-S. (sue's was supposed to be an exclaimation mark. but the marker ran out of ink unfortunately)

midget turns 19 ;))

meet anis juanie :)

anis, 19, loud.

this is what happens when you wanted malaysia to snow so badly.

merry christmas? heh.

the merry one and the satisfied one.

bucktooth, grumpy, grouchy.

par to the tay.

free snow for everyone.

bihah + anis.

anbreen + anis.

adlynn + anis.

ili + anis.

sue + anis.

joy and laughter :)

take one.

take two.

MIA : dee, ara, hunny.

lost kid.
middle height, broom-like fringe, black hair partially golden, hyper.
have you seen her parents?
(ngaha!)

HAPPY SWEET NINETEEN dearest anis juanie. we love you so fucking damn much oke? present postponed ek. soon, soon. promise. :D whatever it is, keep on rolling. xoxo.