fullylicensedtocrap.: the Evil Ex Survival 101.

i was bored. got no mood to do my assignments. no mood to go out. decided to stay at home and try to live. but suddenly i was having thoughts about this after a friend of mine came to me n tells her probs with her boyfriend or ex boyfriend now, i think. (believe it or not, imma love dr. and people tend to come to me with their love problems. sheesh)

Is your ex stirring up trouble? Are you tired of it? Feel hopeless and pathetic? Find out how to cope with the situations evil exes create. Okay... so here it goes.
The first thing anyone should always remember is "Stay Calm and Don't panic!". Remember that. Almost everyone I know or ever met seems to have an evil ex lurking in their history or even current day to day lives. Sometimes I just wish there was this little island filled with cannibals and I could ship all evil exes off to. but sadly I don't think

Singapore

is accepting anymore people. *sigh*

So, moving on. Just what makes an ex evil? Well, apart from the fact he was a self serving, selfish, lying and cheating jerk which probably describes most if not all evil exes, an evil ex is just someone who still wants to quite frankly screw with your life even though they can't be bothered to be a part of it anymore. Definition of screw with your life involves numerous things such as the classics:

"Don't want to be with you but refuses to let anyone else have you",

"Doing just enough to make sure you're an available spare tire in days of crisis",

"A safe booty call" (but honestly, who's complaining),

"Spreads rumours or half truths about the relationship's breakdown to save his own ass" and many many more nice little things that people used to get stoned to death for back in the day.

So how do you deal when you see evil exes in public? Or when you bumped into them? Or when they decided to befriend all your buddies just to piss you off? Or the as per usual slander. How?

Laugh off any rumours he might try to spread. Make sure everyone knows that you think he is childish and that you don't care at all. Don't overreact, just tell people that it isn't true. Quite simply, just say whatever and move on. Your real friends and people that matter to you will know better. I frankly don't care what his boys think of me and I ain't losing any sleep over it.
Stay calm if he asks friends out. He will be trying to make you angry. If your friend says yes, don't go crazy. Just suck it up big gurl. Guys tend to go out with hot chicks regardless of circumstances. Ho's before bro's. But rest assured, your good buddies will ever remain loyal. Doesn't matter cause you don't need crap friends in anycase.
Make sure it's clear that you two are over. It's possible you are being over-friendly. Stop calling him too much or texting him too much. When you actually tell him it's over, don't laugh or look scared. Keep eye contact and tell him seriously. You still have to be a man, even though ur a gurl. gah. u get what i mean. and be civil of course. Nothing's wrong with a quick message on her birthday or on any normal day but keep it short, keep it not personal. "Hey, happy birthday. Have a good one :D" is more than enough.

Don't go "Heeeeyyyyy, was just thinking of you and it's ur burfday and I weally want to wish you a Happy Birthday!". You do that dude, I'll stab you myself. come on, get a grab of yourself!
Be civil in public if you ever do meet him. A quick hello and walk away should suffice. Don't freaking panic if you see him in public and especially DO NOT PANIC when you see him with his new flirt or gurlfriend. If you do meet the evil couple, don't try to alpha male the gurlfriend. Just be classy, polite and possible even friendly and walk away. Trust me, when you do this the new gurlfriend will probably start worrying more about how she is ever going to live up to the class act she just witnessed. GOOD JOB, 10 points for style babes!
Revenge. Now here comes the juiciest part. So what will it be? Get a Hot Hunk to outcast his new babe? Slash his car tires? Hang a dead pig's head from his garden gate? Holy crap babe, if you ever said yes to any of the above please allow me a 30 minute head start to run the hell away from your mad self.

What you should do is simply live your life. Improve yourself. Go to the gym, study harder, get some culture (by watching plays or drinking Vitagen...heck do both). Improve yourself to a point you will be at least twice the person you were when you were dating the wicked jerk of the world. So when you're beaming over your 1st class honours, or looking ripped in pictures of your diving trips to Bali and when you're cruising around in your 350z you can now afford cause of your great new job, you will realize as will your EE that you are so much better off now without that dead weight of a useless boyfriend hanging from your neck.
Be a man. Just like how Russell Peters says it. Don't go begging him to take you back, don't succumb to offers of makeups *pukes*, don't be the dependable girl he goes to when he has no one else to turn to. Basically stop being a douche and stop being used. Make a decision to move on, stick with it and have no regrets. Life is a series of cycles, everyone gets what's coming to them. Trust me when I say this. Its all a matter of time.