i insult me.

have you ever feel like you’ve done something so significantly bad and you just feel like disconnecting self with the world for what you’ve done cant be removed or corrected no matter how hard you tried?

Or, feeling very, very useless and helpless as you let your thought of guilt float around with nothing you can do to fix or to amend it?

People make mistakes. Yes. That is a common statement we often hear. But why didn’t they regret and turn over a new leaf for not wanting to repeat the same mistake and feeling the same distressing guilt? Word is, remorse. Or perhaps they did regret, but it was only for a brief moment, and then a nanosecond passed and it was flushed away with the wind. Why is it so darn hard to not make mistakes? We are all ordinary people. Yes. I know. But still, you tell yourself over and over again not to do it, but yet, without realizing, it got slipped pass you, and BOOM! You did it again. Well done, human!

I am fragile. Easily broken and delicate. Forlorn? No, thank you. But I tend to mask it away by putting on a brave face. Unless you really know me and you’ll be able to dig through all the layers and uncover the covered. After all, I was often labeled as banal predictable. Meaning foreseeable, knowable, obvious, inevitable, unavoidable, humdrum and the list goes on. Not forgetting a person who loathes and abhors loneliness and inattention-ness. Which is why I tend to collect all the attention I can get. You can call me needy or deprived. But I am me. this is who I am. Take it or leave it.

written at, 12:24am, 28/08/2008.

p/s : girlfriends, no offense, none of these are to any of you. Was just putting every piece of my claptrap nonchalant thoughts into hollow words. :)